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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 21
9th September, 2005 'GAZETTE EDITOR SLAIN' Last night saw the death of the Editor of the Mafia Gazette. Tallulah was shot down in her club in Chicago by a man named FrankoJnr shortly after 8 o’clock in the evening. FrankoJnr was killed shortly after Tallulah’s death. Franko’s son, RWK, stepped onto the streets earlier today, claiming that the killing was a deliberate act to announce the cult he has set up. This cult has been set up by RWK to kill the people who rejected his father, although RWK has now followed his father into the grave. His cult, that of “The Forgotten Man” is said to be targeting Street Bosses on the verge of becoming Made as well as several other individuals named, including Furio-Giunta, beau of the recently slain Tallulah. Another reason, slated by RWK, for the death of Tallulah was for notoriety. Admitting that he admired her and loved the paper himself “but when something big is happening you need to announce it in style.” RWK also stated that he laid the blame firmly with Randle_McMurphy. We can only guess at why he would blame Randle for this but so far his claims are unsubstantiated. Mr. McMurphy also received some information from a wiretap at Mr. Franko’s place. The information included Franko’s confession that he wasn’t even aiming at Tallulah, but in fact, missed his target and accidentally killed Tallulah. We do not know the real reason she was killed and we may never actually know but we do know for sure that she will be missed greatly. There were many mourners at the funeral for Tallulah, and her family and friends would like to thank all those who attended for their flowers and kind wishes. Many kind words were said about Tallulah but not nearly enough. No amount of kind words could ever add up to who she was and what she meant to us all. She will be deeply missed by all. 'CHIVALRY IS DEAD IN VEGAS' By: Tea_Jenny Today the Las Vegas streets reached their lowest point as a group of random muggers decided to attack only women! In an appalling statement one of these muggers, who calls himself backfire, said that he only mugs people that he finds attractive 'women only I’m straight' he quoted as he finished with a smug grin on his face. All women are warned to be on the look out for these men and are now being advised that it is no longer safe for them to walk down the streets of Las Vegas alone or unarmed. It is also rumoured that these cowards who attack only 'the weaker sex' have expanded to the Chicago streets. You should also be warned that these muggers will take everything you have and will mock you afterwards just because you are a female. One poor woman, while trying to become a Street Boss and make a stand for the minority on these streets that is female, was actually meeting a guy about her bar offer when one of these men ran out of the shadows and snatched all the money she had leaving her with not even enough for her bus fare home. In all my time on these streets i have seen some appalling things but today this small group has put some of them to shame. Since Backfire spoke with us his body has been found on the streets of Chicago and it is clear by the reaction at his funeral just what the public think of these muggers. 'RESCPECT' By: KutterG No this isn’t in the sense of ‘the homies’ or chavs it is in the literal sense of the word respect and the issue of the lack of it. When I used to walk around the streets at night there was always a uneasy feeling but there was always a feeling that if anything did happen people would help you out through respect. People wouldn’t go after people solely because they were street bosses or made men they respected that these men had struggled to where they were. Today there is disrespect everywhere I look. Random mugging and random shooting is not respectful sending back the money saying thank you for helping me gain is experience is. There is disrespect every where, on the streets in prison and the other thing that upset me was the lack of respect at peoples funerals. This was upsetting and made me decide to right this article. I spoke to a few Mafioso about the matter and this is what they had to say tony_capone: “Of course. Respect is something that I find many of our fellow Mafioso are lacking. And the reason for the decline, I am not sure. But all of my fellow Mafiosos should know, that to get to the top, to get by in this world of ours, you must show respect, before you get respect.” One individual had this to say: “Well the streets are f**ked up here no one gets a chance to make it big no more random killing and mugging that’s just f**ked up.” I thanked him and let him be on his way. So is it that respect is no longer thought of by a major asset or is it just harder to earn on these new streets and are the old way soon to be extinct? 'COPS METHODS QUESTIONED.' By Newspaper Intern Yes we all know that the local police are working hard to make life difficult for hard working Mafiosos. But some are crying foul or even fowl. Speculation is growing that police are paying some Mafioso to notify the police as to when major crimes and specifically drug purchases are happening. This is resulting in some Mafioso losing nearly their entire bankroll when the police confiscate all of their merchandise during an arrest. When we asked the chief about using of rats or stool pigeons he declined to comment. Looking through the evidence filings it is clear that major busts of drugs are clearly on the rise. Some speculate that the dealers themselves are the ones peddling the info to the cops. They can then make the sale and get kickbacks plus have increased demand all at once. When asked about these allegations one local Mafioso said, “I’ll tell you what I think, I think the cops are profiling!! Yes I think they are targeting shorter mobster who just HAPPEN to waddle that’s what I think!” and about the cops using stool pigeons to help in their efforts this same Mafioso barked “Who they hell trusts a bird who can fly!!” Whatever the case informants of profiling, one thing is clear: locals should be careful when their pockets are too heavy. The risks may outweigh the rewards. 'BAR REVIEW' From: Preist I’m here to tell you readers about the hot spots and night life of our country. You will hear about the places to be and the dives to avoid. So be sure to read so you don’t miss out on the best bars and clubs there are. The Black Rose As you first enter the bar you feel instantly at peace. The atmosphere is nice and peaceful, though the occasional bang or whistle may emit from the rear of the bar. But the barmaid knows her drinks like no other, and can fix just about anything you can think of. Always greeting people with a smile, she helps make this bar one of the best to visit. This is the place to come to with your mates and talk about the good old days or what the future has in store for you. Finding Neverland This is the place to go to if you want to find interesting people. Owned by 3 friends, and being served by a lovely barmaid, there is never a dull moment. You never know when you may find a turnip laying around, or a friendly drunk named Puck sleeping in the corner. The drinks are top notch, the service as friendly as possible. Just watch out for the milk. I’ve heard its gone bad. But besides that it goes high on the chart as a good place to have some fun. Gravano’s Pub This pub is a place you might want to consider visiting. With a large dance floor and thousands of different types of drinks, this place definitely could be great if given the chance. Run by a friendly man named Sal, this place has apparently been visited by a few famous mafia people. If enough people would visit, this place could definitely become a swinging hotspot. So I’d say take a night off at some point this week and visit this pub. Big Lazy Ray Chandler Bar This bar may not be on the top ten list, but it definitely does not come last. Served by a young man, this place is open at all hours, and has had moderate success. This is a place more popular with the stoners and alcoholics than the rich and famous. But if you ever need a rush the bartender will always have something, and the cheap alcohol never runs out. So this is a place you might want to check out at some point, though there is certainly no rush. The Friendly Penguin Sports Book At first glance this place looks very impressive, but if you are not a sports fan you will soon be bored. Run by a penguin bookie, the seats are comfortable. And that’s a good thing cause most likely you would soon go to sleep here. Almost noone ever comes to this bar. Could it be cause of being located in Denver? Or because he isn’t taking bets for European football yet? Either way at this point its not the place to be. COMEDY CORNER ' Trevors Article on Turnips Good morning fellow Mafioso, in these dark days where we are all under constant scrutiny from the law chased from pillar to post by fat doughnut eating cops who haven’t shaved or bathed for weeks. I have sometimes found it necessary to find alternate ways of ‘disposing’ of my enemy. I mean, what to do when the eyes of the law are upon you? Your phone lines are tapped, you cant visit your old buddies to restock on ammunition, you have to be a ghost. And yet your enemy remains, lurking in the darkness, ready to pounce and send you forever to a place of darkness. So you must find another way to go about your business, after all life goes on. How can we avoid being busted by the cops I hear you cry… The answer my friends is simple…….groceries. Yes sir, if you can find me one illegal act in buying groceries then you can spank me and call me Susan for the rest of my days. Now I know you may think I’m crazy but let me give you a few examples of how, when the heat is on the lowly Turnip can come to your rescue and rid you of your enemy. Firstly go to the grocery store and stock up on Turnips, so you buy a big load? What they going to say to you after all it is your favourite food stuff…right! Swimming with the fishes: Preferred killing technique of angry_little_Claudio Set up a Turnip stall down near the bay. Have all the turnips bundled in bags, run a legitimate business for a while, get to know the locals, heck throw in a few freebies. Then when thee heat is on and your enemy is near lure him down to your stall at night, knock him out and tie him to a bag of led filled turnips. Remember to smile and wave ass he goes over the edge. Stocks: Preferred killing technique of Preist Arrange a fund raising event, where all money raised goes to a charity of your choice, charge $5 dollars to have people throw large turnips at your enemy. When he looks lifeless and the little girl throwing turnips points out that the bad man is bleeding from his head, whisper quietly in her ear that the man in question enjoys pain and has requested she throw harder, swap the turnip for a brick a watch her take the fall. The Crunch: Preferred killing technique of Tower_Is_Pissed So some loud mouth is saying he’s going to muscle in on your turf? Can’t send the boys round and you have a strangely large amount of left over turnips? Well here is what you do, fill a skip with turnips and hoist it up high above your enemy’s front door, when he comes out to get his milk in the morning just flick that switch and hey presto…instant pancake. Please note: as long as you are wearing a high visibility jacket no one will question you, after all workmen never get questioned. Da Bomb! Preferred killing technique of Tifa Simple just do as Tifa does, when your enemy has over stepped the mark, left your men to look like fools do as Tifa does. Hollow out a large turnip and fill it instead with TNT, bake a cake around the turnip leaving the fuse sticking out the top looking like some sort of ‘rogue candle. Put the cake in a box, wrap it with pink ribbon and address it, with a message Happy Birthday’. Even if it isn’t their birthday how many people do you think fail to light that candle? Pendulum: Preferred killing technique of toby_macaroni This one calls for precise timing and extreme engineering. Toby stumbled upon this one when he started out his career in construction, it involves finding and overly large turnip, an anomaly, a turnip weighing at least 1.5 tonnes. These can be found at annual vegetable competitions where people have raised the turnip in a bed of steroids and compost, oh the shame. You must then suspend the turnip way up high by rope and pull it to one side securing it with a pin, then its simply a case of the waiting game, when your enemy arrive pull that pin and watch him disappear, it’s like watching him be hit with a giant golf club, oh how I do like golf. The Occult: Preferred killing technique of Trainer Find one ordinary turnip and one book on the black arts. Using some of your friends gather in a forest clearing on a dark night filled with lightning and rain, where the thunder is so loud it leaves you half deaf. Summon up the turnip demon Pinrut and order him to do your bidding, keep him happy with regular pedicures and ‘manual’ colonic irrigation otherwise he will eat your family. So there it is kiddies, don’t always turn to the gun when the home grown weapon is just as affective, remember I’m not crazy I like licking lamp posts, its fun….INNIT! 'LETTER TO THE GAZETTE ' To the author of the article on bribery in the Mr Mafia contest: Can there be bribery without the requested outcome? This is something to ask yourself before passing judgement on any of the judges in the Mr. Mafia competition. There is only one person privy to the votes thus far, and it is only if MadDog wins the contest that you can consider the contest fixed. Maybe then, and only then, an investigation should be considered. If someone wants to give me presents, why should I complain or attempt to stop him? A present in my bank account really doesn’t mean much to me since I have all the riches in the world, but it seems the money concerns people more than roses, even though roses could be considered bribes too. Look a bit deeper, my friends, and tell me if a little ass kissing is really unethical. Now, shouldn't we focus more on the corruption of the bank system if private bank transactions can be accessed? What did you, Undercover_Reporter, have to do to gain illegal access to those? I'm a good girl, unlike you. 'THE COCTAIL LOUNGE Barman: John_Cougar For those with a bit more of a crazy streak than the rest of us. Absinthe Minded Martini 3 oz Gin 1/2 oz Absinthe 1/2 oz Grand Marnier Dry Vermouth 1 Orange peel Properly chill 1 cocktail glass. In a mixing glass with ice, pour gin and absinthe, and stir. In your cocktail glass, roll 1/2 oz of dry vermouth and throw away the excess. Strain other ingredients into cocktail glass and float (using a spoon) 1/2 oz of grand Marnier over top. Garnish with orange peel. 'COOKING LIKE MAMA USED TO' With Rhiannon This morning I felt like old world Italian for dinner. I sat down with a cup of tea, and went through my recipes for something that could satisfy any Godfathers Hunger. Enjoy, you know I always do. Risotto San Martino Recipe Summary Difficulty: Medium Prep Time: 20 minutes Cook Time: 45 minutes Yield: 12 servings Ingredients 2 quarts chicken and beef broth 1 medium size onion finely chopped 2 cloves garlic, lightly smashed with knife 1/2 stick butter 6 thin slices Volpi prosciutto, chopped very fine* 1 1/2 ounces dried porcini mushrooms, washed and soak in warm water 1 pound Arborio rice 2 cups freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano 2 envelopes Zafferano, powder How To Prepare The broth in the pot should be simmering. In a large pot slowly simmer the onion and the garlic in the butter, when the onion starts to turn a gold color, remove from the heat and take out the garlic. Add the chopped prosciutto and porcini and mix very well with the onion. Put the pot on heat again, add the rice, and mix very well with the onions, prosciutto and porcini. This is called toasting the rice because the broth has not been added. After a minute or so start add the broth a ladle full at a time, in order to allow the rice to absorb it. To make risotto creamy you have to mix it a lot adding the broth, as needed. When risotto is almost done, add the saffron and stir until well mixed. Add a handful of Parmigiano and mix well. Risotto should be soft enough to spread and cover the entire plate when served. 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Trixie ....TieDomi was seen standing on the street corner with a hat in his hands asking for handouts. some speculate it has something to do with his upcoming Mr. Mafia loss, where he owes 2-3 people 20$ each. ....AntonioMontelloJr is an evil clone of his father TonyMontello which is why, yet again he is engaged to the lovely Caserrr who may also be an evil clone of Caserr. ....Randle McMurphy is to blame for absolutely everyone on our streets. Split ends? Randle's fault. Stubbed your toe? Randle again. Girlfriend dumped your pathetic ugly ass? Yet again, It's because she saw Randle. Your Fiancée ran off with another woman from the states? That might be my fault...But lets blame Randle for shits and giggles ok? ....Cali dresses in drag. Some people attended a recent luau and when Cali swivelled a bit more under the grass skirt was revealed than to be intended. It's ok Cali I'm sure there’s surgeries for that sort of thing... 'DEATH' By KutterG Yet again we awoke to the sun rising and bodies falling in the city, the lives of many lost over the period of a day. In the last day 100 people have passed on. These lost and loved ones include: Franklin_Figueroa a street boss who grew up in Las Vegas who had worked hard to get to his position was killed yesterday at 10:46 PM his dieing words were and let hell break loose great run guys sorry about this. I love you all. Sixteen people turned up at the funeral all showing their love and respect from their boss and friend. He received flowers and much more here was what some of the mourners had to say: *Alexandria: I am so sorry hun. I couldn’t get there in time … I could of done something *Empress: We tried. :( I wish I could've been more helpful. You're the best! *Bigfatpaulie: its a sad day, Franklin was a god man *JohnDoe: R.I.P Frankie sorry to see this happen man. *LucioMasi: So close, yet so far. Sorry man, I really thought you had it made for a second. Yet another tragic lose for the community and for the family and friends. We wish them luck. Tallulah one of the most loved figures in our community the editor of the Mafia gazette was killed. Before she died she mumbled these words “I promised to see the stars with you my love, and now I must break that vow... Forgive me...” All will definitely miss her. There were a large amount of mourners at the funeral here’s what they had to say: *Furio-Giunta: Jesus Christ Tallulah you were my girlfriend, my friend and my confidant... Words can’t describe the sheer Grief I feel at this moment, I couldn’t protect you. I walked out and you were killed a few minutes later. Let all who attend this funeral know that I am going to kill the person whose hand was behind this. Cut me down if you can, but I will wade through blood until the perpetrators of this die by my hand. I am going to hell for what I am going to do to you and you are coming with me. *Rhiannon: blinks and lays down a paper and some flowers* I’m Mildly confused, but.... I’m sure it will make sense after I've sobered up. 'Lullah, you made the paper something I wanted to work for. And for that I thank you. I’m going to miss walking into the Office just to try to get information out of you. And Regardless of what it was, you were always willing to gossip. I'm going to miss you. *Gasman: RIP! *Lays a dozen roses* you were the greatest editor ever! what happened? *Venom_Vixen: *chokes* ho...ho...how... I couldn't believe it said can't mail a dead man I had to double check that it was you... but how? *stands over the open coffin admiring her idol for one final time* RIP my friend all I can hope is that your daughter will get in touch *wipes a tear from her eye as she lays down the dozen roses one by one* This was one of the saddest funerals I have ever been to yet there was a feeling of happiness. These people were close friends, work friends and the people she kept closest and they were glad to see her off. She will never be forgotten and in my eyes and is still the greatest editor. RIP Sub Editors Note: Tallulah was a joy to work with, and the paper is never going to be the same. Rest in peace 'Lu, and I'll see you in that giant newsroom in the sky. Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. 'REFERENCES' '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=29 Browse • • • • • • •